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Great minds don't always think alike
When I think about my 6- and 8-year old children, they have had so much experience in common. Same house, same parents, same school, many of the same teachers, same toys, same books, same TV shows. And yet, they are very different people, with different personalities and different ways of processing their daily emotional lives. I recently got Jamie Lynn Tatera’s Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids (2024) and have been going through it with them this summer. One of the first activities is a discussion of “feeling habit animals”—for example, some people’s minds get busy like a beaver, some people explode emotions like a bear, some people hide their emotions like a deer. We’ve been going through the workbook together, and it has been very illuminating to understand that all three of us have different emotions in the same situation, and different ways of processing the same emotion.
Relatedly, but in a very different context, our CEED team recently completed a strengths assessment, which described strengths you have at work as well as approaches to conflict. When discussing our results together, one colleague said when she read hers, “I actually couldn’t even think of how else a person would do it!” Parallels to the conversations I had been having with my children jumped out at me. People have such different ways to process what is happening internally, and yet, until we have explicit discussions about it, these differences are really hidden behind the scenes. Maybe this is why people are so drawn to personality tests and even classifications such as astrology: it is very difficult for us to stay aware that other people think differently. Having a “box” that describes us can seem validating and prompt interesting conversations about how we differ from others (whether or not the “boxes” are based on rigorous measurement tools).
Developmentally, this seems to draw on the skill of theory of mind. Theory of mind research tells us that toddlers can understand that people have different preferences (e.g., someone else can like broccoli even though the child doesn’t). Preschoolers can understand that people can have different knowledge and beliefs. For example, someone might still believe that their pencil is where they last left it even though the child saw someone else move it. Adolescents can understand that people might not say what they mean (e.g., sarcasm, hidden intentions) (Wellman, 2011). As adults, we can think about how other people think—and yet, it takes intention to consistently consider that how other people think is not the same as how we think. How do we move away from the strong default of “my way is the obvious (and best) way”?
Alyssa Meuwissen
Reflective practice often focuses on self-awareness as central to relationship-based work. Understanding what triggers us, why we have specific reactions to certain situations, and which assumptions we bring to a relationship can be very helpful in being resilient and effective in difficult interpersonal work (Grant & Kinman, 2014). But do we often consider that self-awareness will be that much more powerful if we also understand that “knowing thyself” does not generalize to understanding how other people think? Would a more advanced self-awareness also contain the recognition that others do not have the same brain patterns and reactions that we do? Maybe it’s just as important to stay intentionally curious about what goes on in other people’s minds as it is to reflect on our own thoughts.
Photo by Georg Eiermann on Unsplash
Thinking about this reminded me of the recent rise in the term “neurodiversity.” The term began as part of an online social justice movement, but it has become widely used (National Autistic Society, 2026), with a steep rise in the use of the term in books starting around 2003.
“Neurodiversity describes the idea that people experience and interact with the world around them in many different ways; there is no one ‘right’ way of thinking, learning, and behaving, and differences are not viewed as deficits,” write Nicole Baumer and Julia Frueh in a 2021 article for Harvard Medical School.
While the word “neurodiversity” most often refers to people with varying diagnoses (autism, ADHD, anxiety, dyslexia, etc.), we know that all of these are collections of behaviors or ways of thinking that fall on spectrums. Even in a small group of people with the same diagnosis—or with no diagnoses—there is great diversity in how our brains and minds work. That was clear from both my family’s conversation about “feeling habit animals” and from my team’s strengths assessment. Research has shown that diverse teams and companies perform better because they are less prone to insular groupthink. That research generally focuses on diverse backgrounds and identities (gender, race, economic status, and so on), but it emphasizes the value of a workplace where different perspectives are welcome (Bodrick et al., 2025). A variety of cognitive approaches adds another facet to an organization’s makeup. It means another potential source of fresh ideas and alternative suggestions. A better understanding of the diversity in a group’s approaches to problems and emotions could also facilitate better communication and conditions that are conducive to everyone’s success.
Reflection questions
- What do you consider to be strengths or weaknesses that other people might see differently?
- What conversations might be useful to have with your colleagues or family members that could shed light on how different people approach the same situation?
- How do we honor and value informal neurodiversity in our families, our teams, and our communities?
Dive deeper
Archie, A. (2025). How ‘Neurodivergent’ Became a Word for Many Types of Minds. Houston Public Media.
Baumer, N. & Frueh, J. (2021). What is Neurodiversity? Harvard Health Publishing.
Tatera, J. L. (2024). Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Workbook for Kids. Wholly Mindful.
Other references
Bodrick, M. M., Alassaf, M. I., & Alrowaitea, F. A. (2025). Is Groupthink a Real or Perceived Threat? Refocusing on Originality and Diversity Versus Groupthink in Organizational Ecosystems. British Journal of Philosophy, Sociology and History, 5(2), 01-07.
Grant, L., & Kinman, G. (2014). Emotional resilience in the helping professions and how it can be enhanced. Health and social care education, 3(1), 23-34.
National Autistic Society. (2026). The Neurodiversity Movement. https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/identity/the-neurodiversity-movement
Wellman, H. M. (2011). Developing a theory of mind. The Wiley-Blackwell handbook of childhood cognitive development, 2, 258-284.